Well, hello, 2010. A shiny new decade! Time to revise.
1. Don't die.
2. Postpone dying.
3. Consume less.
4. Do better.
5. Challenge myself.
6. Remember that we only get so many days. Make them count.
Waiting for pots to boil at the Baltimore studio. Snow + tree swings = instant fun.
It is freezing out here. Literally. FREEZING. This was our rinse water at the Baltimore studio today.
Cacie and I went out to the barn this morning to fetch tools; we just stood there, staring at our frozen bins of water, rather in shock. This isn't even the worst month of winter- we still have January and February to look forward to! That measuring cup has hot water in it, to help us unfreeze some skeins that needed repair- didn't make a dent in that frozen water. Luckily, we're doing repairs (indoors!) and twisting/ tagging today.
Even with the weather, though, I'm happy. The overall vibe at the studio (and oh, how I hate to use the word "vibe") is one of cheerful industry. This is so different from so much of my previous work; even when the weather is miserable, when we're outside working with cold water and wet fiber, I'm 329472390358 times happier than I ever was in a warm cubicle. That seems to me the biggest indicator possible that I'm exactly where I need to be right now; working in the winter wind, huddled over a stove, making colors. It's definitely not everyone's idea of a dream job, but oh, it's nice to be happy. I think about where I was at this time last year, and it all seems like another life.
I know, I know. I don't write, I don't call. The truth is, I've been so absolutely wiped out lately- there is so much going on (so much to write about!) and I've been struggling with my health- a bad mix if there ever was one. I take my pills and my shots like a good girl, but only recently have I begun to feel what seems like the beginnings of improvement- and I say that with great reservations, as it's only the last two days or so that really seemed better.
We opened the new studio, Sam and I are playing with the idea of (finally!) demolishing the kitchen, dyeing has stepped up at least two- fold (if not three- fold), my daughter is a full- blown teenager with a boyfriend, I'm still not driving which leaves me feeling a little claustrophobic, and I'm suddenly feeling just how responsible Gryphon and I are to at least nine other people, not to mention our customers and oh, yes, of course- our own families. There doesn't seem like there is too much room in there for me to be sick, which is the way I traditionally approach any sort of physical infirmity- placing it firmly on the back burner with a stern I'm sorry, I just don't have time for this right now.
It turns out, I don't get that option. MS turns out to be a prima donna of sicknesses; if I'm not paying attention to my body's cues, she'll step right up center stage and remind me exactly who is in charge here. We're learning how to live together, and I'm quietly plotting my revenge with my nightly shots and what seems like fistfulls of pills, because no matter what this disease thinks, damnit, I'm the one in charge here. I'm determined to subjugate this in some way, to regain control over my body and my time.
Learning to take a proactive stance on my health- on realigning how I live, focusing on the right fuel and rest and exercise and staying informed and not just blowing this whole thing off as another thing that will go away- that's new, and it eats up more of my resources, too, but I'm learning, and trying.
In the meantime, I knit- nothing that I can show, all holiday knitting, but it's happening- mittens and shawls and socks, as well as the world's most boring project of all time- a six- foot tube scarf in stockinette for Kiddo with her own handdyed yarn. It's a labor of love, to be sure; God knows I'm not knitting this because it is interesting in any way- but I know she'll adore it.
So I'm here, intact, although some days it really does feel like "intact" is all I can manage. I have some designs cooking in all that holiday knitting, including a lovely pair of colorwork mittens in both Skinny Bugga and Djinni Sock as part of a collaboration with the ever- lovely Kate of Dragonfly Fibers. I'm focusing on getting well, and working hard, and all the sweet bits in the details of life, the stuff that really matters- the kindnesses of friends, my daughter's smile, my husband's hands, good food, crisp mornings, flannel sheets, cats, reading Sherlock Holmes stories in bed, strong morning runs, apple cider and milkmen and hot coffee.
In the end, that's all that really counts, right? The small moments, they're all we have.
Gorgeous Chasing Rainbows roving in a colorway that I've forgotten, merino- tencel blend, just heavenly. I love their colors and fiber prep; so meticulous, simple and beautiful.
Professional dilettante, fiber junkie and avid reader, rehabbing our little house in Baltimore while fervently wishing for more hands.
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